Navigating Divorce Recovery Without Letting Work Destroy You 💔💼 || DD262 | David and Rachel

[00:00:00] Welcome, everybody out there to The Divorce Devil Podcast episode 262. David and Rachel on the mic. Today, we're talking about divorce recovery and employment. Job, working, workspace, work life, divorce balance. Yeah. There we go. And David doesn't let me talk about stuff because I just start rambling. He's like, hey, we're doing a podcast. But my thing I was going to say right before on air is being an employee. What are you doing?

[00:00:28] That makes sure. All right. I can see me, but you're okay. There you are. All right. Hey, man. How are you? Yeah. Okay. Doing great. So being an employee and being the boss when you're going through divorce recovery is way different. I never thought of that. When I was going through mine, I really had a support, a supportive employer working in a school in front of kids.

[00:00:55] You have to put on your happy face and not really bring your work life to your outside life to work because you have to be on. Right. So and being a nurse, you have to be alert and wake oriented, all the things. And so thankfully, everybody at work was really understanding. There were days where I'm like, I'm sorry you just didn't come in. I've been crying all night. Like, you don't want me there. I can't do it.

[00:01:19] And then and a lot of schools, secretaries are health assistants or health monitors or whatever. Um, and so I would feel guilty for putting that on the people at work because, you know, my job was I'm the only one in the building that does my job. So, again, all the things that go with having to still go to work when you're going through divorce, which sucks. So how do you show up?

[00:01:43] How do you how do you keep showing up through the the recovery process that you're in a shit show? How do you still show up for work and do a good job? Let's start with the employer aspect. You as an employer, you have been through it and I'm sure you've had employees that have gone through it. So how does that differentiate? As an employer, you know, you're not supposed to rely on your on your staff.

[00:02:12] But my staff really helped me. I was very blessed from that standpoint because I was a shit show. Um, even going to work, just staying at work, getting through work. They were really instrumental, uh, through getting me through it. Um, uh, it was. And so if you work in a big corporation, you have access to like, what was that stuff called? The therapist. AAP. AAP. Yeah. AAP. AAP. AAP. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But when you're a small.

[00:02:42] Yeah. But when you're a small guy, you know, you know, uh, meat, potatoes, you, you, you don't have access into that. So you have to wing it a little bit. So you end up relying on your employees and, but the workforce, it does affect it. Yeah. It is. It's going to affect it no matter what. Well, if the boss is going through that and is having emotional things or having to deal with stuff or going to court and, you know, you don't really get to pick the day that that all happens.

[00:03:12] It's like, okay, here's your date. You need to go. Counsel patients for this day. Cancel patients, all the things. And so again, I wasn't the boss. Um, but I had to delegate a lot of the things that I would normally do on a daily basis to someone else. And they also have their own work. So then it's like, okay, I, I'm a, I'm, I, I'm guilt ridden person. Like, I don't want to, I don't want people to do my job. It takes a village.

[00:03:35] And so did you find that, um, a lot of your, because you don't have a lot of employees, but you have enough where did they became the boss because you couldn't be the boss or they had to take the reins of things? I mean, they didn't do the dental stuff, but. They did take the reins on a, on a, on a lot of things when I kind of faltered, uh, from the standpoint of, you know, having to leave, you know, cancel patients. Uh, there was a couple of times where we had to cancel patients cause I was done.

[00:04:02] Like, like I was done for the day and had two, three more patients and they came up with constructive reasons why, you know, hey, we have a sewer back up. Hey, we have, we, you know, uh, uh, Dr. Dr. Webb has a, has a pimple on his nose. He can't, yeah, he can't, he can't work. So we have to re- The surgeon guy dubbing his area, he's got to go home. You know, so we have to resale your appointment. So they were, they were Johnny on the spot. They really helped me. What's that? What's Johnny on the spot?

[00:04:31] What's so funny? Johnny on the spot is the porta potty. And you just said the surgeon back up. Is it? Yeah. Back, back East, Johnny on the spot. That must be, I was getting what I said, that must be an East coast thing. Yeah. So porta potty back East is called the Johnny on the spot. Cause like right now you gotta go. Okay. So, all right. It might not be funny for everybody, but the fact you said sewer, I said diarrhea and you said Johnny on the spot, the worlds have come to, the universe is like, that's going to be funny.

[00:05:01] Maybe everybody will get it. That was so funny. Okay. Sorry. They were, they were, they were, they were instrumental in being there for me. So I, I never thanked them enough, but like I said. I hope everybody out there is Googling Johnny on the spot. Johnny on the spot. Yeah. Yeah. Johnny on the spot means that they were there for you. Not that you're pooping. No, no. That means like you don't love it.

[00:05:29] So, so, so is that a general term or is that actually a firm? We have to write a Johnny on the spot is like. Is it a firm? That's like, if you're having a party at your house. No, no, no. Is it a firm called Johnny on the spot? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. It's, I mean. So it's a firm and then it's a, it's an item. So it's both. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. I, again, port-a-potty, Johnny on the spot. Literally. Okay. We're done. Isn't port-a-potty a little bit easier than Johnny on the spot? We didn't call them port-a-potties. We call them Johnny on the spot. But there are port-a-potties. Yes.

[00:05:58] So port-a-potty, port-a-potties and divorce recovery. Yeah. Definitely. When the shit hits the fan. Anyway, my, my staff was port-a-potty there for me. They stepped up. They stepped up when the sewer was backed up. Oh yeah. Sorry. Them damn. We digress a lot here. Them damn roots. Roots. Yeah. Well, and I think too, you know, in a small, a small office that everybody has a rule,

[00:06:27] but I think we all know each other's rules. Technically, you may not do all the things everybody else, but you can step in for the moment for an emergency or whatever. Just, just like they step in when you're sick. Yeah. You know, you're sick. They step in, but it's, but it's, but it's a longer sickness. So my desk at one point was basically the front desk. Like I just got a little spot because a lot of schools didn't have nurses in every building. So when they started doing that, my desk was literally like a countertop and I had this

[00:06:56] little tiny space, a computer and thing. I finally was able to make another office, um, and like the copy room area, but I could see into the main office, like there was a big glass window. So a lot of times when teachers were coming in and trying to make copies and my door was closed, they were like, Oh, are you okay? And so I'm like, no, no, you're fine. Come on in. Like, and then I would have to get out of that space quickly. So you impeded the functionality of the school.

[00:07:24] So they made accommodations for me to be able to like close my door. Like my office literally was a closet with a cot and like some cabinets and the bathroom. I don't see, you know, I just can suck it up and just, just, just get through the day. Seriously. I mean, what? I mean, come on. That's what everybody thinks. Get it together. Just suck, suck, suck that shit up. I think. And, and not the port-a-potty suck that shit up and get after it. What happened? I mean, let's, let's be real.

[00:07:50] What happens when you have a boss who's not compassionate about it or you're in a big corporation and like you got no PD day left or no, no. What is it called? Um, hey, PTO. Yeah. Do you have any PTO? Especially if the boss doesn't like you. Yeah. And if you're struggling and you know, a lot of times divorce doesn't happen just overnight. There's been signs or signals to other people that something's up and maybe you've used all your time because you had a huge fight with your soon to be ex or your ex and you know,

[00:08:20] you don't have any time left. Now you have to be sick in order to get paid. Then you have to go to the urgent care, do all the things. And get proof. And get proof that you were sick. And how does that work? If you got a dick of a boss, hold on. Yeah. Just hold on. If you're just a number in a big corporation or whatever, do they, do they know that you're there? Hold on and document. Yeah. So I think to, um, mental health, I don't think we deal with that enough in a big, I mean,

[00:08:50] I'm sure now we do, but. Especially those who are mental. That's me. Yeah, there you go. But you love me. Um, so I think too, um, you may not, they may not give a shit who you are, but a lot of times the, the smaller group of people who work together will be like, Hey, you know, I know you're not doing great, blah, blah, blah. Go take an extra break. You know, you have to lean on people. And I think a lot of times, especially if you're in somewhere where, you know, you're

[00:09:17] just a number or whatever, you have to really advocate for yourself. And like, does that mean going to HR and be like, Hey, I'm going through a divorce. I don't know how I'm going to feel each day. Like, what are my options? Um, you know, again, like if you don't have a PTO left, if you have all the things, I think we need to do better as a society with work and going, Hey, I can't do my job a hundred percent. If I'm going through this, if I'm dealing with, you know, shit, like, um, my ex didn't

[00:09:47] pick up the kids on time. So then the kids were upset or, you know, this morning was a terrible thing because we woke up late because we were all upset last night or, you know, custody is terrible. And, or I signed my papers yesterday, but I have to work today and I don't have time to take off. So now I got to go to work and not cry and do all the things. So I think we need to be more, um, transparent when we're going through it. I think you need to be like, I, I've never, if you've been divorced before, you know, but

[00:10:15] if most people haven't been divorced before and they're like, I don't know how this works. I don't know what's going on. I don't know what my court dates are. If they tell me I have to be there at one o'clock on a Tuesday, I gotta be there at one o'clock on a Tuesday. I don't get to decide that that's my day. Or, um, you know, when I was going through my divorce, I literally the next day was like, Hey, my son, then I go through this, this and that. Can he have a counselor, psychologist? What do we need to do to set up for him to see somebody or talk to someone?

[00:10:43] Um, the kids were just told yesterday, or, um, we have to go to court and figure out what days he has them. And then the first time that you have to hand your child over when you're a hundred percent parent and now you're a 50% parent, um, time-wise when you're with your kid, you should be a hundred plant or the version of you that you can be. Uh, a lot of times it was like, here's your iPad. I need to take a little break. Um, let's do the thing. And it's okay.

[00:11:09] Uh, I think we are expected to be on all the time. Uh, we talked about last, last week, we talked about social media. If your boss sees you going out every night, um, because you're going through a divorce on social media, you might have a problem too. So I think we need to be transparent with our, our bosses. And I mean, I think the idea thing was to a, to a certain extent. Yeah. Don't tell them everything. No, no.

[00:11:38] And again, you don't have to tell them about your, you know, night out on the town and I can't come in cause I'm hung over. Um, but just be aware of like, you still have a job, you still have to support yourself. And now things are going to get, you know, people think, oh, I'm going to divorce and I'm going to get rich. Let me get, that does happen. That does happen. Um, but most of the time it's now you have to either buy a new car or have the car and take over the payments. And then you might have to find a new house.

[00:12:05] So you might have to, you know, you may have to get a babysitter or you may have to find someone for the days that you have your kid, uh, childcare. Like you might have to split the costs now cause you know, one of you paid or whatever. I think, or the, what if you're a stay at home parent and the other person works and they're going through stuff. And now, you know, you might have more responsibility because you're, um, you know, your ex might have the kid on a certain amount of days and you have them on a different amount of days and all the things. And so now what are you doing?

[00:12:35] So there's a lot of your dynamics change in your life, whether you stay at home, whether you work for yourself, there's another, like if, if you're, you know, have a job where you're basically an independent worker and you're, or you're working remote, that might struggle. You might, I don't want to get out of bed today, but you might be able to get on your computer or you might not be able to get on your computer. And then, you know, if someone's not monitoring how you work or what your work is and it's

[00:13:00] such a slack and no one knows you're going to divorce, there's a lot of issues there. And you probably don't want to date at work. I just want to throw that out there, folks. You don't. You don't want to date the newly divorced dad either. Yeah. Yeah. You don't want to dip your, your magic wand in the company ink or, or, or, or put your clam around the, the eraser.

[00:13:30] You don't want. Okay. You don't want to, you know, work, workplace romances do work, but 9% of the time they don't. Yeah. No. Yeah. I think, yeah. I mean, unless you're married and you work with your spouse at somewhere, that's fine. Keep that. Keep that. Yeah. Don't, don't, don't divorce it. What happens if you work with your spouse and you're getting divorced? Oh, I just thought about that one. That's going to be messy. Is someone else getting a new job or are you working together and just, you know, passing on home saying, fuck you.

[00:14:01] Um, yeah. Again, there's a lot of topics that I don't, I don't know if you, if you had an experience like that, let us know and we can talk about that. But I think with, um, with this topic, I really learned who my friends were. Um, especially at work. Uh, I had, I had my now best friend. Um, she would, I think you've heard this story before. She would like leave like a little protein cookie on my desk or a sheet saying, Hey, when's the last time you ate?

[00:14:30] Um, what'd you do with my headphones? I can't hear myself. Um, no, there we go. Yeah. See technical difficulties. We don't have like a manager that does all that. He's, he's, he's divorced. He's divorced me. Cause I was saying too much. He's done. Uh, I think, you know, she was more of a, she was in the same group of people that

[00:14:56] I hung out with and we were friends, but not like, you know, going to science. You know why? I'm sorry. It was just on my heart. Okay. I don't know what that was. Um, and so she was there when I needed her and I didn't know I needed her. And then my best friend at the time, like was upset with me because she was going through her own stuff and I wasn't present for her when she needed it. And I think, you know, I'm one of those people.

[00:15:26] I just go into my own space and I'll, when I come out a little bit, I'll be like, ah, set my toe. And I know I'm not healed. Wait, I'm not healed. I'm going to come out. I hope that people are more understanding that I've been absent only for my own benefit because I heal and do things myself. And I, um, try not to, um, put my shit on other people because my entire life, it's always

[00:15:54] been at me, at me, at me, I mean, trying to heal other people and fix other people. And, you know, you have to take care of yourself and, you know, your job is now how you pay for things. You know, if you've had a shared income, you may not be doing things. Or what if you've planned a trip together and now you're getting divorced and how that works out? There's just so many things that you don't think about when you, um, are going through divorce or when you're new in it or, you know, Hey, we have this cruise planned in a year. Shit.

[00:16:24] Now what? Or do we both go on the cruise? Do we both bring somebody else? Do you, how does that work? There's one of, one of you going, one of you not going. Um, if there's like that song, like the, um, I'm drunk on a plane. Cause you were going down the aisle and it didn't work out. And now he's going on this honeymoon by himself, you know? So I think there's just a lot of things that you don't think about. And, you know, if I'm thinking about my divorce and my kids and all stuff, I'm not thinking about work until I have to think about work.

[00:16:54] Oh wait, I have to pay bills. Oh wait, I have $27 in the bank. And just all the things, um, you know, that happen. And I don't know. And as an employer, like how lenient are you? How, you know, understanding are you if it's affecting the whole office and, you know, you were the affecting of the office. That's so if I have an employee that's going through a divorce is very interesting because

[00:17:20] I've been through a divorce, but there's employers out there that never been through a divorce. So they can't sympathize. So from the standpoint of someone not going through a divorce, I think it's harder for them to realize what else going on. But me, I see stuff happen before it happens. I see the landmines come in and you want to warn them, but you really can't because you have to keep it cordial and boss-like. You want to also be like, don't forget to take time for yourself. Yeah. Don't forget to do that self-care, you know. Because you don't want to be a therapist either.

[00:17:50] No. Yeah. You know, you don't want to go, you know, be in a therapist's room. Well, and you've been out of it for a while, right? I've been out of it for almost six years. All six years. So I think our foresight and all those things that we didn't know back then and all the things that you know now, I feel like if someone gave me all the answers, I wouldn't have healed how I did. Like, I don't think, I think it's like with kids. What answers?

[00:18:20] What answers? Like, hey, serial dating and staying in too long. You might want to like not do that. Make sure you're ready to date. But I feel like all the things that I did to get to where I am now created this space, which I love. And, you know, not everybody has a podcast that they can come on and listen or, you know, talk how they're feeling or what they're thinking and all the things.

[00:18:44] But I know like at my work, just in the five years that I've been there, so many people have gotten divorced. And I'm like, hey, I don't know what you need right now. I don't know what stage you're in. I don't know what you need from me, but I'm here. Ask. But I'm also going to ask you like how you're doing today. And if you're like, nope, can't talk about it because I want to cry. Because you realize. I know that space. I know that. Step back. I'm sorry.

[00:19:14] I got to keep myself busy or I'm going to cry or I have a meeting today. I can't cry until after the meeting. You know. Students at my office are more needy than others that, you know, I know I need to be there for a certain time. I have, you know, things I have to do at certain times of the day. So if I'm crying and I see a kid, they'll be like, what's wrong? Like, I'm like, oh, my. It's fine. No. So I think what. Happens is you like minded people. People find each other.

[00:19:43] And I think a lot of times, you know, just from helping one person, they learned that I had a podcast and then someone else is like, hey, I was not good at therapy in the beginning. So I did a group one. I knew I needed it. I just didn't know what I needed. And I didn't want to like everybody. I didn't want to be sitting one on one. My story. This my story. You're judging me. Here's what's happened. And in my divorce group therapy, I was like, ooh, I haven't. I didn't stop that bad. OK. OK, cool.

[00:20:10] So my ease in therapy was going. I was judging. I mean, I was judging other people's stories made me feel better. But when it came time for my story, I was like, oh, well, I'm good. I'm getting divorced. OK. Yeah. And until you're able to tell your story and do all the things, I feel like you it's just like this chaos in your mind and you you come up with your version of what happened. Your ex has their version of what happens if you're in a small community. And then the truth.

[00:20:41] And then everybody's version is a little muddled because our perception of what happened is always different than the other person's. And we know how you think and how you do all the things. And just just getting to a point where you can go to work and not cry all day is a good thing. And if you have an employer who is not very sympathetic or compassionate, lean on somebody at work or, you know, just do what you can.

[00:21:08] Just kind of again, we don't have all I don't have all the answers, especially because my work. Thank you. My school then was very helpful and like, hey, I got this one. Hey, go for a walk outside. Hey, go check out the outdoor learning. Hey, there's some that, you know, this class is outside doing gym today. Why don't you go do that or go monitor it? So I was able to escape any time that I was having something or I'd get an angry text from,

[00:21:35] you know, my ex and or I get a text going, OK, your court date is now. And then when we were going through our divorce, COVID happened. So there was a whole other dynamic of can I send my son? You know, again, what everybody's trying to follow the guidelines in the beginning. If does he have to quarantine or if I am able to stay home with him and my ex isn't because he travels or whatever, still has to do his job as an essential worker or whatever.

[00:22:02] Do I have my son for three weeks now because you have to quarantine 14 days? There were so many things that I'd wrote out. And then my work, we were called back to like clean the building and like move stuff and get kids because we went to spring break and didn't come back. So kids still had coats and backpacks and look boxes and all the things and their supplies. And we had to bag things up with each kid's name. And, you know, that didn't. And then they had to be quarantined for 14 days.

[00:22:29] And then it was, oh, graduation for sixth graders and this and kindergarten graduation. And how do you do that? Like we had parades for those. And so a lot of things were keeping me busy because there was a pandemic going on. But yeah, I think, you know, especially the people in my friend group who knew like we were having issues, not a lot of people knew the meat and bones of it because I didn't

[00:22:55] want people to have a perception of either one of us based on the opposite person's story. And I only learned that. I got it. I don't know. Not from my parents. My mom and dad were in the same group of friends. They went to the same bars. They went to, you know, everybody worked together, all the things. And so it was my mom and dad's version. And then their friend's version of what each of them told each other. So what you had my dad, my mom, both telling the same people their stories and then people

[00:23:24] deciphering what really happened. So I think I learned from that, from my parents to not make a judgment on someone's divorce. And so I didn't want people to do that for Jerry and I. Which is why I think we are able to have the divorce that we have. But you went through. Wow. Interesting. Yeah.

[00:23:48] You know, workplace divorce, and we're talking mainly after the divorce. And sometimes it's more of a bigger, it's a bigger shit show afterwards than before, especially if it's not, if it's antagonistic, which was mine. And trying to, you know, who, you know, some of the employees are friends. Yeah. Because they're friends. Yeah.

[00:24:16] Um, there's, there's, there's, there's so, there's so much collateral damage. Especially at a school. You know, because I worked at my, at my kids, at my son's school. And so people that I wasn't, I mean, I'm, it was a small school. So everybody knew each other pretty well and we did stuff. And we're, and a lot of us lived in the community. So it was, you know, convenient. But like, um, my daughter worked at the, the, a country club, one of the country clubs and at one point, and then went to a different country club where we're from.

[00:24:45] And, uh, just the two different communities had different versions of what was told and why we did that. And then I'd have, you know, teachers come up to me. Hey, did you hear blah, blah, blah. Dad's single. He's getting, they're getting divorced. Or did you. Get the hookup, baby. Oh yeah. And so, um, and then it was like the neighbors, like we still lived in our house for a while. Um, when we were going through like our separation and stuff like that.

[00:25:13] And so like, you know, we, we moved out of our one house and into a rental for a little bit so we can decide what was going on. Didn't somebody married, throw you a lifeline? Some dude. Oh yeah. Yeah. So I hear you are getting divorced. That's not uncommon. Hey, that's not uncommon. Yeah. I'm like, wait, aren't you happening? Didn't you just do your wedding renewal? Renewal your vows and you want something on the side. Yeah. Everything.

[00:25:40] It was, it was more or less, I heard you guys are getting divorced. If you need anything, I always thought you were a nice person, blah, blah, blah. I'm like. You need anything. Block. I got your, I got you, baby. Yeah. Hey, everybody loves, loves Cold Stone, but sometimes you need some soft serve. Well, no. Like, and you know, back home, like, you know, in New Jersey, there we lived where he grew

[00:26:06] up and friends of his would like text me and I'm like, um, what? I don't really know who you are, but cool story. You know? So yeah, people are, you know, outside of your marriage, people are savvy. Yeah. So, so, so another big thing is with, with my practice, my wife wasn't, was involved in the practice. So she knew the, yeah. So it, it, it was tough splitting those hairs. Yeah. Very, very hard. Again, who gets who?

[00:26:36] And if, if your, if your ex-wife would like go out to dinner with the girls in the office or whatever, and then they have to pick sides and then, you know, Hey, I need my job. So I have to make. Well, they gotta pick a side cause they need a damn job. That's what I'm saying. I need the job. So I have to be nice to David, but when we're at dinner and we can talk shit or whatever. Um, and I think, you know, like ours too, like our neighbors, you know, again, went to the country club where my daughter worked and they're like, Oh, I hurt your mom and dad and blah, blah, blah. And just what?

[00:27:06] Like leave my kids out of it. First of all. Um, I mean, if you want to say, how you doing? I heard about your parents, you know, if you need anything, let us know, but it was really like intrusive. Yeah. Uh, and if we, if, if my, for my kids, I would be like, if my mom and dad didn't tell you back up, like, and don't, you know, leave my mom and dad out of it. But, um, and my daughter was very like, you know, again, I need my job. People tip well kind of thing.

[00:27:35] But I think, you know, living in the community and, you know, also being not generally new, right. You know, when COVID happened, we'd only lived there for a little bit, um, for like four, I guess four years. But, um, my times are all just like blurring together. What? Uh, I think especially neighbors, like, you know, the one neighbors to our, to our right, the wife was early stages of, um, dimensions of that. So we were over there a lot helping out.

[00:28:06] And, uh, you know, the first week we moved there, they had a huge party for us, like 40 people. They friended like a taco truck, all the things I'm like, Whoa, hello. Um, so like very early on we made really tight bonds, both of us with our neighbors and all things. And, you know, like, Oh, by the way, we're getting divorced. Like, I think one of the neighbors we saw trick or treating like that later once we still did like combined trick or treating in the town.

[00:28:35] I'm like, Oh, by the way, we moved out and we're getting divorced. So they're like, Oh, I guess you're not coming to, you know, Super Bowl 40. Yeah. So, so, so closing out, what can you tell listeners out there? What's the, what's the one thing you want to impart to them when, uh, dealing with divorce, recovery and employment and jobs? I, I, what can they do again? This is my opinion. Whoever your higher up is, you need to be like, Hey,

[00:29:05] I'm hoping this doesn't affect my job emotionally, physically, you know, all the things I'm wanting to do the best at my job, but there might be days where I just am not going to give a hundred percent. I think that communication and like I said, transparency, you, everybody has that work buddy or work, you know, wife or husband or whatever. Um, well, unless that's the reason they're getting divorced anyway. Um, reach out to them. Maybe they can get the word out or whatever.

[00:29:33] Uh, like I said, since I've worked at my job now, there has been multiple people who gone through divorce when I found out, like, Hey, I'm not trying to be intrusive. I don't know what stage you're in. I don't know what you need, but if you need me to make you dinner or you need me to buy you dinner or you need me to come watch your class for a little bit. Um, just because you got that angry text or you got the, your child's dealing with divorce right now in the middle of the class, because we're talking about, you know, that, um, just,

[00:30:02] just have someone or, you know, someone that you can talk to or, you know, just let them know. Because if you're doing all this stuff and nobody knows, you might lose your job because if you're just being flaky or you're crying or what's your problem and you're not one that talks about it or you're shy or whatever, I think you need to have somebody in your workspace that knows again, it's yourself employed and, or you work remote. You still need to let somebody know.

[00:30:29] Cause Hey, you're supposed to be on meeting at nine o'clock, but you're in the bathroom sobbing. Like, Oh my gosh, I don't know what to do. Like I can't make my bills. Like, but I need to work, but I can't work because my brain won't work. Um, just be a little transparent so that you can take care of yourself. And in that transparency, I think you will get more support in all things. And sometimes I didn't want anybody to talk to me cause it made me cry more. And then I hate crying in front of people.

[00:30:56] Um, he said, I want to be, I think I'm like weak or vulnerable or, you know, not able to do something. So my mind is like, I'm going to laugh through it. So I'm probably going to make a joke and then it's going to be like, it'll probably get inappropriate. So I'm just like, I'm fine. I'm fine. Everything's fine. And so, uh, I, I think, you know, that is something that no one talks about, you know, when you're going, Oh, my ex cheated or my ex left me or, you know, they went out for milk and never came home. I don't know what to do.

[00:31:25] Um, just, just find somebody. And again, if you don't have somebody call a therapist, get a therapist really quickly, because then you can be like, Hey, I need to take this phone call. If you're at work, it'd be like, Hey, it's my therapist. And then they'll be like, Oh, okay. And I think the empathy and sympathy will come in that thing. And again, if your best friend has to pretend to be your mom and say, Hey, your grandma died. That's, that's what you need. My grandma died six times. I agree.

[00:31:53] I agree with you this time. One only time that you have to have that special person, uh, to help you not, not, not guide you through it, but, but, but be there like that, like training wheels. And again, like I said, my best friend now, she is very like, she's not huggy. She does not want you to hug her. She's very like stoic. She's been through some shit. She's like, Nope, don't need a hug. If you need a hug, I'll give me a hug, but it's going to be very awkward. I don't want the hug.

[00:32:20] Um, but you know, the milk, the protein shake, because I haven't eaten for three days or the cookie. Cause who doesn't want a cookie or like the note would be like, this is a protein cookie. Don't eat the whole thing. You might shit yourself. Um, but it'll help you, you know, have some energy for work today, or here's a coffee or what do you need me to do? Do you need me to make copies? Do you need to do this? Um, Hey, I had an extra lunch. Do you want that?

[00:32:45] Um, and from that and her not asking me like how I'm feeling, cause she knew I would cry, I guess. Um, I'm going to be up. Um, thank you girl. For cleft. For cleft. Thanks Trace. I love you. For cleft. And you know, I do have. You don't get for cleft very often. Damn. But cleft. Oh, no. That's a word that if you're not from familiar with. Kind of like Johnny in the spot. Johnny in the spot. He's for cleft. I'm for cleft. I mean, like I can't speak. All right, everybody. So find your people.

[00:33:15] Find your people. Or find the person that will call and be like, hey, this is blah, blah, blah. Rachel can't come to work today because she's laying on the bathroom floor. Do a good job. Hey, don't do half a job. Do a good job. On the bathroom floor. That's another reason you get divorced. Whatever. But yeah, so work can be, you know, again, if you work, if you're an independent worker or if you work from home remote or whatever, seek somebody, find somebody, find that neighbor that can come check on you.

[00:33:42] Do what you have to do to take care of you because no one tells you about this stuff. This is the things like, you know, there's a bazillion books. And a therapist online. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Better help and all the things. Oh, that stuff. If your work has that AEP or EAP or whatever it's called, employee assistant program, reach after that. I think you get like three to six sessions for each topic you have. So it could be, you know, infidelity. It can be, you know, whatever it is.

[00:34:12] You can talk about each of those things and get yourself some help. And if it's an EAP, then your work knows and they may be more supportive of going, hey, here's a couple extra days off or, you know, that PD day, you can just do some work in your office and close the door if you need to. So again, I'm thankful for the people in my life. You know, Kelly, the who's on, that comes on sometimes. She was a big help too. Just making me laugh and going, hey, you might need a new toy.

[00:34:42] And your girl for the season. She was there for you. Yeah. Yeah. Life goes on. Yeah. Third or fourth season. All right, everybody. Love ya. Love you. Bye. Get to work. Get to work. Work. Work.