💔 Divorce Recovery: What Comes Easy vs. What Comes Hard || DD256 || David, Rachel and Kyle

[00:00:00] Welcome, everybody, out there to the worst of episode 256. We have a special guest. Kyle's back on the mic for the live. Hey, how's it going, everyone? Fourth time. Sure. I think it's the third. Seriously? Should just be a triple pop. Yeah, third. I think I'm fourth. Four. Let's go with fourth. Yes, yes, four. He's a quadribullet. Wow, that's neat. Anyway, we have a special topic today that Rachel and I have a hard time explaining,

[00:00:30] but we're going to have Kyle explain that. Actually, I think it's what came easy. He was going to do that. And then what came hard. And then what came hard and what came easy. Wait, wait. That's my take on it, but don't listen to me. That's a good take on it. Absolutely. There was a white dude on his screen, so he's talking about me. That's really been on in mind. We've really been trying to... That's not really deep in the dog's mind. Any intervention. Yeah, frozen. Yeah. We might need to talk about that. Love that. Yeah, love it. Yeah.

[00:00:59] Anyway, so I'm going to reach out to Kyle here. So Kyle, tell us what we're talking about today. So today, when you're going through divorce, it's a very traumatic time. It's not a fun experience. It's not like buying a new car or going out and treating yourself. It definitely doesn't feel like a treat. And it's a hard thing to deal with. And all of us have survival skills that we have learned that served us in a previous time. Yeah.

[00:01:26] And those survival skills, we don't give a lot of attention and we don't realize that it just comes easy. It comes naturally, being able to ride a bike. You don't realize that you're in a fight or flight because everything feels like I just steeped it to go away and stop harassing me and stop doing this stuff, stop coming at me. So what are some of the examples of the beginning? What kind of examples can you give us? David's example. You should go first because yours is a winner. What? Yeah, yours is a winner. Tell us what you could have done better when you were going through your divorce.

[00:01:56] I did everything perfect. Okay. Thanks for listening. It's really awesome. Horpity. Horpity. Horpity. Very growing of you, Doc. Yeah. Easy. Blame other people. 100%. Blame everybody else. And that goes with the cousin of being angry and this than the other. But yeah, the negativity is just dive into the negativity and swim in that swamp. Okay. So it's everybody else. And just stay there because that's what you knew. Yeah. You knew how to go there. Yeah.

[00:02:24] Couldn't find any positive in there at all. There was no life vest. No. There was no one throwing out that little life guard ring to you going, hey, this is how you survive. Because everything is a survival thing. And you're like, oh, I'm just going to drown. It's all going to be terrible. And like in those moments when you did feel like you were drowning, was your partner that person you would go to? Or was it more you always had to be the rock and you couldn't go to her even when you weren't okay and you didn't know how to communicate? Yeah.

[00:02:54] We've been more after the divorce was pulled and then going through the divorce than I couldn't go to her because we were already in the middle of divorce. And, you know, those people, I love you guys that can go through it amicably. That's really interesting. But mine was not. And I think all three of us, but how you can do that and people don't see the negativity and the flight and fight and just want to kill somebody.

[00:03:23] I think, too, what he's saying is if before, if you could go to that person when you were having an issue, like if that's your sounding board, if that person was like went through a crisis with you, went through all the things like I was actually before our air, Monday was the anniversary of when I lost my son. It was also the anniversary of Columbine. So when I was losing my son, that was also happening. So in my mind, I'm like, these families lost their children violently. And mine was more silent.

[00:03:52] It was more in a room of love. It was all this stuff that was happening. And my ex had always been that person that helped me get through my parent trauma, helped me get through the loss of somebody and of course our son. And anything that's happened after that, if I would have ran to him, I can't do that. So you have to find a new survival person, a new survival skill or a new survival technique. I'd say you got to be that person. You got to be that person for yourself.

[00:04:21] Yeah. And so a lot of times I think people don't realize that you are your biggest advocate. And if you don't self care and self love, a lot of times people aren't fucking coming to help you. I think what happens too, is that run to other person. If they're checked out, it doesn't matter. You can't run to them. You can't run to them. You can't run to them. You can't run to your marriage and newly into your divorce. You can't go to that person. Hey, my mom called me going blah, blah, blah, blah. They don't care. Okay, fall off. That's a you problem, not a me problem now. That's a reason we're in divorce.

[00:04:50] And if they get to that point, a lot of exes or pseudo exes just want to hurt you. Yeah. And you want to hurt them. So the last thing they want to do is help you. Hurt people, hurt people. Yes. That's how that works. All they want to do is make you hurt more. Yeah. They don't care about you. So they want to hurt you. That's too. You just don't want to do it. My head went to, all I want to do is this. I'm doing. And I said, yeah, that's not. You hurt. The meds aren't working, people. I'm going to need to do better. Check, baby.

[00:05:20] Check, baby. One, two. Okay. That's called ADHD friends. Love you. Mean it. Check, baby. I hate you. So that was the other thing. Avoidance. I would avoid the topic as much as I could. And it was really easy to grab for the drink because why not? I don't have my son with me. I don't have this. And then it was, oh, wait, I'm not going to become my parents because my parents were alcoholics. And a lot of times I was still fending for them.

[00:05:49] I was like, wait, if I do that, who's going to take care of me? But it had to be me. Had to be you. What about the part about putting your hand in the sand? Not like avoidance or not paying attention or not making a priority where it should be. Oh, yeah. A lot. You know, I talk about a lot too, finances. Sounds like I just was oblivious to it. And then all of a sudden I had to do it. And I was like, ah, if I just avoided that, I don't have any money. It's fine. Someone will help me. So that will go away. And then I was like, oh, fuck. It happened. And then I lost my job. And then it was all these things that were snowballing.

[00:06:19] I'm like, oh, okay. I need to take a lot of money. Sounds like a lot of things that were just out of your control. Yeah. And what was one of the hard things for you or easy things to do that you had to learn that wasn't That really wasn't good for you. Good for you. You know, and I liked what Doc was saying. You said it was really easy just for you to be negative and then go there. For me, it was really easy for me to be optimistic and be positive when she came forward and told me how she felt and where she was at.

[00:06:50] And I wanted to be the person that was like, oh, we can do this. Let's talk. Let's go get help. Let's get in front of this. It was so easy for me to want to fix it. It was hard. It was so hard not to make it about us and just let it exist. Yeah. It was really hard for me to just validate her because I didn't have that skill. Yeah. And so at what point did you realize that you couldn't fix it?

[00:07:15] That didn't I didn't relinquish that burden from myself until after she left. Oh, OK. I just hope one day we can be friends. And I was like, oh, let's get this divorce. I still feel that way. You know what I mean? Because that's that's a part of my value. Yeah. That has nothing to do with her. But and the other thing, too, is like you said, hurt people hurt people. You know, if I can make the strike harder, then you're going to know that I was right.

[00:07:43] No, like mine, mine, too, was also being I left. I had this guilt, even though I left because I had to. If I stayed, I would literally be in a straight jacket. I'd be like, I'm done. I'll be wrapping in the corner. My ex mother in law probably would have admitted me myself. But so I think I think the guilt. There's also probably guilt that you cheated or if you left the marriage or I know a lot of people. I know not a lot, but I know one family.

[00:08:10] Their husband was a gambler and he basically lost everything. They lost their house. He wasn't paying the mortgage. He was using on the money to do stuff. So one day I got this note. You're being don't have a house anymore. And so she had to be like, yes, I hate him for doing that. But he has the illness. And yes, this is happening. And she was always still trying to do it. I'm like, when are you going to get angry? You have to get angry at some point. And then it was. It's a fantastic. But I said, I feel like you need to go through all the process of being angry.

[00:08:40] She goes, I have to live my life first. I'll do that. And then a couple of years later, she said, I need therapy because I'm angry at everybody because I wasn't angry at him. So that also sounds like finish line, like thinking. Yeah. A lot of people have that survival skill that they don't want to. They don't want to sit there and deal with it. They want to avoid it. They're like, I don't. I'm feeling the shame. I'm feeling this guilt. I don't like this. I'm gonna do everything I can not to feel this way. Yeah. I want to get to the end. I want to get to the finish line. Yeah. That's not really how it works.

[00:09:09] Like, no matter how far through your divorce. And we've also talked about where divorce is not the first. Like, hi, my name is Rachel. I'm divorced. Now it's, hi, my name is Rachel. I'm a nurse. I'm a mom on this. I have a podcast. I have groups for kids and all the things. And so you can go down your list and it was like, oh, wait, I'm also divorced. Do you feel like all of that really ties into your identity? I think in the beginning, yes. It does. And then it takes another level down.

[00:09:35] Because I feel like too, like, I'm a very, like, if I'm in a mood, I'd rather not say anything because I don't know what I'll say. Because a lot of times when I'm frustrated or something happens, I'm like, no, don't tackle me. Jersey girl. Just don't. Because anything you say, even if you did it or not, I'm going to be like, and then you're going to be like, she's rude. I'm like, no, I'm not rude. I just don't. I can't deal with your stuff right now.

[00:09:59] I need to focus on the, I literally am triaging in my entire life because of who I am. That's also a boundary too that you're explaining. So a lot of times they're like, she shushed me. I didn't shush you. You came at me with a problem that you probably could have figured out yourself. I don't want to figure out your stuff when I'm figuring out my own because you obviously don't give a shit that I have. I have a boundary. So I think a lot of times where, you know, now I'm like, oh, can you just give me one minute

[00:10:27] or write it down or do something or email me or give me a text? If it's not dire straits, you're not missing a finger or whatever. Come back at me. We were talking about fight or flight. Well, there's also fawning. And Rachel, a lot of what I'm hearing right now is that it seems like you have a habit of fawning. How easy does that come to you to fawn? What is fawning? Fawning is a form of like people pleasing. And again, it also falls in the realm of protecting yourself. And it usually comes at the cost of self abandonment.

[00:10:54] So it's really like someone asks you to do something. You don't really want to do it, but you really want them to like you. And then if you do something. I'm a nurse. I've been a caregiver. Well, it's also a way to avoid conflict or trying to manipulate a situation to where it's already a premeditated response. So it's just, hey, I'm going to show up this way and say this in the attempt and hope that this person comes back and says this thing. And if they say that, then I don't have to deal with the conflict.

[00:11:25] Wait, I didn't know we were having a fucking therapist on here today. Why do I put it on? No, you don't. You don't at all. I am not. I am not a doctor. I'm not a therapist. I just deliver the mail. I'm a therapist. I've read a few books. I've taken a big interest in. You've read the right words for Rachel. Apparently, I'm having a new title. It's for me, Bonnie Rachel. Bonnie Rachel. Bonnie Rachel. Come on my podcast and help me, dear Rachel.

[00:11:54] Yes, because we tell people we don't know it all. Oh, no, we know it all. No, funny. And apparently that is my defense mechanism. I think I do that. Well, David can take David can say this until I'm done. And then there's that. Oh, nothing. Now, nothing can get me to care if you like me. Nothing can get me to be like, oh, you cross the line. Because I give people so many chances. I give people that I don't know what you're going through.

[00:12:22] So I'm going to be kind to you, even if you're a fucking asshole. I don't want to have conflict because once you release the jersey, now you're playing with the witch. But you only have conflict because people don't accept or know your boundaries. Let me tell you guys. Should I put them on my forehead? Oh, yeah. Because I'm pretty sure I tell people. Let me tell you guys a very funny story. So my son, my middle son teaches school here. And so he teaches in an area where parents call.

[00:12:52] Hold on. So listen. So parents call him and they wonder why their son or daughter didn't do this, that and the other. So they're trying to get their daughter or son advanced. So he'll sit there and talk to them in five or 10 minutes. And then I said, what do you do, Dave? He goes, did I become daddy? I said, what the hell is daddy? Nice. He goes, I'm aloof. One word answers. And I take my time answering. There's long pauses. And it comes in. It doesn't last very long. So he's using. He gives it air. He gives it space. Yeah.

[00:13:23] He's using his dad. Using his dad. Any time y'all need to just be stern? Yeah, just do a David. A David. Yeah. Just one word. Nope. Thank you. Sure. Yeah. Okay. Got a fart. Everybody's child is a D1 athlete and a music rock star and Broadway performer and all the things. But like with divorce recovery, I think that it happens. The healing happens over time.

[00:13:52] So you become less divorced and you get more boundaries. So all the positives come out in the end and all the negatives come out at first. So then there's like a seesaw where like it goes like that. And then it goes back and forth. So there's an equilibrium there. I can't say he has arms up and down like a scale or a sloth. I know what it is called. What do they call it? Seesaw. Seesaw. So Seesaw. Seesaw. With really broad muscles. Yeah. Very strong hands. Yeah. by потрiniare. Just because I'm a dentist and I've got a strong hand. No.

[00:14:22] And I said to like . Good rum. Okay. Liarist. What is it? Drilling them teeth. I bet you Calvin. One caption, whose man he's got that one thing... Yeah, I got some gut finger seals. Good. Alright! I like the way I said that. It's really easy to me. I can't see anything. I do not tell you anything on YouTube. I got a question. Your son, David, you said he's trying this new tactic.

[00:14:52] Is that something new to him that didn't come easy? He's a little bit teaching in four years. So it takes you. Too many times at school and then you're like bitter and you're like, shut the fuck up. I'm sorry. Kids are going to advance. Peace out, home fry. Maybe get some extra lessons. Oh, maybe have your kid bring their instrument once in a while. It sounds like he was showing up a certain way. It wasn't working. Standing up in the studio with my head. Don't walk away because your headhose is like, now that I learned that I'm fawning and now I'm mad. Because I can't set boundaries. It's not too fucking nice. Fawn. How do you do it alone?

[00:15:22] Fawn. A deer. A female deer. Damn. Fawn. Let's bring it back to you. Who taught you how to set boundaries? How to set boundaries? Nobody. Okay. David was talking about me. Oh my God. How long has it taken me to get rid of it? People that need to get rid of it. Forever. Forever. Because I'm so fucking nice. I feel like. You're fawning. I feel like. Yeah. Who are you trying to be nice to? Other people? When was the last time you were kind to yourself, Rachel? Oh. Damn. Do you have that skill?

[00:15:50] Can you sit with yourself and say, hey, no one taught me. Yeah. How to set boundaries. And that is not my fault. And I forgive myself for not knowing. Jesus fucking Christ. This is now the car show. No. It's done. Peace out. I'm going to sit back. The car show starts tomorrow. Which is brought to you by the United States Postal Service. Buy stamps. Buy some stamps. How much is the stamp now?

[00:16:20] 90 cents. 80? 80? God. We got some that have like birds on them. They're pretty cute. How much? But there's still 81 cents. 81? I remember when it was like 12 cents. I think it was like 52 when I first started. Yeah. It's crazy. Hey, I want my pension. Y'all want your retirement too, don't you? Okay, sure. Welcome to fucking para. That's a boundary. You don't need a pension. That's a boundary. Also, too, talking about those survival skills and even like with my job at the post office,

[00:16:48] I can sit here and recognize and own up and admit that I went to work and when my job was getting threatened or a supervisor was showing up a certain way or a co-worker screwed me over, guess how I showed up? The same way I defended myself with my parents or with my brothers. And it served me then. It didn't serve me at work. These people don't know anything. Like why? Showing up the way. Oh, this is cheerful, happy cop. Why is he so angry? Why is he coming? I know why I showed up that way. They had no idea. So what do you do now?

[00:17:18] I mean, I definitely made it their problem, didn't I? Yeah. So what do you do now? It comes down to being yourself. Okay. That's what I chose to do. I went back and it's kind of like talking to your childhood self and you just tell them like, hey, it makes sense you showed up this way. They, at a previous time in your life, totally served you. It protected you. It kept you safe over scenarios that were out of your control. They don't serve you now. They're not helping you now. You got to find a new way. And that's going to be hard.

[00:17:47] And I have a question. So in serve, so say someone at work fucks you over, right? Yeah. And does whatever. Does it serve you to say, hey, bud, I feel like you've done this and that because. That's my control. That's my control. Let them do it. There's no reason. Yeah. There's no reason. Yeah. Let them do whatever they want to do. I don't get paid to do that. I get paid to deliver mail, not manage people. So what happens if it's someone in your life now or you're. Like a partner. Yeah. In your life now.

[00:18:17] Or say you have to deal with your ex-wife and she does something that. That is out of my control. The only thing that is within my control is that I show up in a way that matches my values. Yeah. And I can recognize that there were times even when I was positive and optimistic and all that came super easy. Wanting to fix it. Wanting to say, hey, we can do this. Guess what? When I got to my breaking point. Yeah. It was really easy to show up the only way I knew how when I got to my breaking point. Oh, see I am. Okay. It was hard to walk away because walking away meant giving up.

[00:18:46] So what happens scenario. So what happens if this thing is a constant and it won't be out of your. It won't. It's not able to go away at the moment. So you can't fix it. So then that's when you. You still got to show up for yourself and you still got to do things that fill your cup up. So here's the thing. So if you're constantly being harassed or paraded or this and you can't get rid of that right now. How do you take care of yourself? You do things that fill your cup up.

[00:19:16] Yeah. Whether that be. Oh, that's torment. That's torment. Torture and torment and harassment and all that stuff. You said boundaries. You said boundaries. That's the first boundary that you set. So what's the scenario? You got a coworker at work. That's just. You didn't make up one. Make up one. Make up one that suits me. Coworker. No, I actually know. I have one recently. A friend. He wanted me to give him like criticism. Yeah. He's in a weird place. Yeah. And that's what he wanted. He was just like, oh, Kyle, tell me something I can work on.

[00:19:46] What's something I could be better at? And it was just, dude, there's. That doesn't take up space in my mind. Yeah. You know what I mean? But he was persistent and he wouldn't let it go. Wanted me to say something. In the chat. But I didn't. I didn't. It's just, hey, man. Like, I've only got room for Rachel in my mind. Not you too. Nah. I feel fucking fun. I got no room for you. Just Rachel. Yeah. What am I? I am. What is it? Teachable. Whatever the animal that, you know, will chew up someone of the same species because they're done with them.

[00:20:16] They don't want to hear my. Right there. A giant fly. A prairie mantis. Prairie mantis. That's how I want to go out. Some good sex and my head gets bitten off. That's the way I want to go. I have been. What's the word? I don't want to say harassed. I've just been certain somebody, somebodies have been picking at me and picking at me and I've been silent. Yeah. And it's gotten to the point where I'm done. Yeah. And so in that. So do you get defensive and you go and then you fight?

[00:20:46] I feel like I'm not. I feel like I've done such a great job at not. Reacting. Like a childish girl. Like I'm in high school or something. Sure you do. So who's telling you that you're acting that way? That you're acting childish, high school-y? Who's saying that to you? I'm hearing it from multiple sources in a circle. Okay. And so normally I'd be like be able to confront the person and say, hey, I don't know why you have a problem with me. Like we'll use the scenario at work.

[00:21:15] If I have a problem with the coworker and I say something, normally we'll have a talk or conversation. We'll go into the conference room. We'll do it. We'll hash out what's going on. And things are great because we're adults. And so now I'm hearing in multiple facets and things that I've heard in the past and all stuff. It's coming to a head where that I'm done hearing it. I'm done listening to it. I'm done being the nice girl.

[00:21:40] I actually am now going to be the, I know who you are. I see what you're doing. Knock it off or I'm going to call you out. Rachel, that sounds like a burden. That sounds heavy. It really is a burden and I'm really actually tired. Yeah. And so my next steps are to actually take further action. Whatever happened to the David M Webb? The David Webway is really nice, but I'm listening to this. It's okay.

[00:22:09] It's all right. It's fine. But the parking spaces are... The parking spaces are valid because it affects a lot of things. When it keeps being approaching in my space, when I'm actually a really fucking nice person all the time. All the time. Like you said. And because I don't want... I can tell because you're fucking in front of it. Yeah. Yeah. It really emphasizes. That's like really nice. Sorry. So a caged animal will eventually strike. A caged animal will eventually defend itself.

[00:22:37] And I'm at the point now where all the surrounding people that it would affect, I'm done defending them. How easy does it... No one is defending me. So now I'm like, oh, all gloves are off. So I know... I know what you're doing. I see what you're doing. I hear what you're doing. And I've been nice for this long. You don't want to know what happens when... What happens if you take that situation and that person is your ex? How would you handle it?

[00:23:07] Oh, again, my ex and I get a... No, no. I'm not saying that. I'm saying... That's not what he's saying. If it was your ex, it was Bobby, and Bobby was acting that way, talking shit, what would you do? And because I have a child involved, I take them to court. Because it's affecting my child. Okay. So I'd be like, hey, custody's got to change because you're being a dick or you're being an asshole. Yeah. Is that the first step or is that, hey, I'm trying A through Z. Now we're here. A to X.

[00:23:36] When you go to a classroom, it's A to Z and then it's like V, V, C. Oh, you're in the double digits. Oh, I'm in the triple digits. And the fact that you're trying to find something that I've done wrong when I've done nothing wrong, but then a great human and kind and all the things. The next step is leave me the fuck alone. And my boundary is I actually don't care if it affects anybody else but me because no one

[00:24:06] is defending me. Yeah. It sounds like you're not getting there until the very end. It's just I put everyone else first and now I'm last. Now I'm putting myself first. Yeah. Get my peace until I feel. I feel and I have a timeline. There's a timeline where I it's a dead. It's a deadline. And after the deadline, the gloves are off. So is that like a value of yours? If someone does you wrong or says something that got under a scab, does it like you have is it easy for you to get in front of that? Success with me.

[00:24:35] Why do you care that much about me? Why are you even putting yourself into my space when I nothing I do or say is about you? Nothing. I none of my friendships involve you. None of my work things involve you. You've already said it. So you're nice and people like you. They graduate. So they're interested. Question, question. Question. Again, I have lost friends. Do they have power over you? That's what I'm hearing.

[00:25:05] That's what I'm hearing. So how do you get that power back? Here's why it feels like that. Because of the other people involved are actually innocent. But you can't save everybody. And I'm done. I'm done. But you should have been done earlier. You can't save everybody. It's like the Titanic. You're not the Titanic. And here's the thing. A long time ago, if you wanted to be my friends because I'm so fucking awesome. I'm sorry. I'm such a nice friend.

[00:25:34] I'm such a nice human. I would have been your friend. I would have been your friend. And now there's no room for friendship. There's no room for cordial. There's no room for anything. So here's my story. If you keep coming at me, I'm going to come back. All right. Here we go. Okay. Let me flip this a little bit because we're going down that road. You're going to be rude. Rachel's going to kill somebody. No, I like it, Rachel. You know what I mean?

[00:25:57] I think that boundary has been like, I know how it feels to be the bad guy. I know how it feels to be the one who has to take care of everybody. Like I said, at eight years old, I was taking care of a sister who has cerebral palsy my entire life. And then one day I was like, you don't do enough for me. I'm like, oh, I don't. I literally have done everything for you. And then it was, I couldn't please my mother-in-law. Everything I did was terrible because it wasn't her.

[00:26:24] And then it just became this ball of all this shit that, like you said, I couldn't control. And I can control being kind. I can control wanting to help other people. I can control. Like when I lost my son, the reason I became a nurse is because the nurse I had literally gave me her cell phone number and called me anytime. She got me in touch with a grief thing. Through grief, I learned I want to help other people. I went to nursing school. I started as a grief counselor. You're doing these sayings for you that they fill your cup. They give your life value and purpose. Positive cup.

[00:26:55] Positive cup. I have a positive, joyful life. And because other people can't find that or they lost that or they are so insecure with themselves that they have to attack me. That's not your problem, Rachel. That's not my problem. That's not your problem. So anyway, let me digress because we're headed down that road. So at the middle or the end of your divorce, how do you feel? Your cup. I feel here's how I like my cup.

[00:27:17] My cup is filled by hanging out with my son and watching him play his sports and hanging out with Lance because we literally just laugh the entire time. And like knowing that the partner I have supports me and has my back and knows that what I'm dealing with is really petty. Yeah. But at some point, lose your grip. So whether someone... I love watching my soon-to-be stepdaughters grow and flourish and all the things.

[00:27:45] And my daughter started a business and my son's working his job that goes with his degree and all the things. All those things. Yeah. Yeah. So to do all those sayings, like it sounds, does that make you feel safe? Yes. Were there times in your life that you didn't feel safe? My life. Entire life. So is it hard for you to really be in that moment and absorb it and feel safe and just breathe?

[00:28:08] Like I have a hard time dealing with adults who act like children because my entire life, adults... I got a comment on this. Can I interrupt you? This is something I've noticed that the older generation does. If I can maybe put you guys in the hot seat. Make it for generations. There's always a label with, oh, you need to be an adult.

[00:28:29] But that's a little bit of sympathy and like making that person feel better and in control by giving you a label and telling you how you're supposed to show up or how other people are supposed to show up. But when in Raleigh, yeah, we're adults. We pay taxes. We have a driver's license. You know what I mean? We get to do all these things and privileges. But deep down, all of us have an inner child that isn't healed. Yeah, but it's not my responsibility.

[00:28:56] It's not your responsibility, but it has to do with empathy and having the 30,000 view of the world. Are they... So are the old people young shaming? All the time. All the time, dude. All the time. Why do you do that stuff, man? Make them feel better about themselves. They put their life on a pedestal. When I was your age, I went to school uphill both ways. No, but I'm saying... My dad never hugged me. He was like, all right.

[00:29:26] Here's my... I'm not trying to defend myself at all. But when I say that, we all go through... It's like saying I'm not racist and then saying the most racist thing ever. There are two black planes. I don't know. I love watermelon. No, it's me. I'm sure it is. It's probably... Or... Fucking racist. Okay. So anyway... The thing is, we all have those stages in life where you might have been bullied. You might have had this happening.

[00:29:55] And so like we know on this show, fourth grade is when I had my bully. If I feel like you're acting like a mean girl from fourth grade, that's where I probably call you out. But I am not an adult. I like you said, I try never to be an adult because I as a young child was more of an adult than I am now that I'm like, oh, I was an adult. Now I have to be a kid because I didn't get a childhood. So it's like that reversal.

[00:30:21] So now when someone who's of an older age, we're not going to say an adult when they're of an older age and they can manage a job and they pay their taxes and do the things. And then they come at me like a fourth grade girl. That's when I'm like, really, are we having this fight over the I said you live in the shack instead of a mansion or I wrote you in my slam book that you don't know what that is. I know a slam book. I know a slam book. And you're going to marry Kirk Cameron because the slam book said.

[00:30:50] My thing is, if you are intelligent, because I can't say words, intelligent, if you are of a sound mind, you're holding down a job, you're paying your taxes on time, whatever you're doing. If you're going to act like a child for something that there doesn't need to be a childish act or maybe you don't know how to act like a person of an older age. That's where I'm like, why can't we communicate? Why can't we talk about it?

[00:31:16] Is it acting with an older age or is it you're noticing that, oh, this individual in front of me doesn't have emotional maturity? Yeah. And I think because I work with children, we are learning that their frontal lobe is not developed. Their frontal lobe is developed for 25 years. Yeah, 25. So figure out some other ways to communicate because you're insecure or that you think that I'm at you or I'm trying to hurt you. That is literally the farthest from me.

[00:31:43] Anything I say or do in my real world or anywhere is not about you. Leave me alone. And so my thing is, my reaction to that was I go to therapy. Like I go to therapy, right? And we talk about things. We're on podcasts. We have topics we talk about. We try to work it out. We try to broad spectrum. A lot of the scenarios that we encounter with people in our lives come to the podcast. And so we have you here because you're a youngster, right?

[00:32:13] You're a youngster. You're a youngster. You're a youngster. See where it is? You're a youngster. You have a less psychological age. I have so many times I hear that. I had a customer yesterday, right? Older, older guy. Yeah. Oh, shit. You're fired. We were having, I asked him if he had any kids. And he was like, hell no. Why would I want to do that?

[00:32:42] I'm like, no, I get it, man. I'm with you. I had my vasectomy back in 2020. It only cost me $49. It was a good deal. Here's the thing. It actually cost me $101. Okay. But they sent me a refund check for $52 because they charged me for a bigger job. You know what I mean? They were like, wait. I thought it was going to be a bigger job. You know what I mean? It was a lot smaller than we thought, so it didn't take that long. You know what I mean? Yeah. So I got a refund for that. I like that. You might be damn sexy if you get a refund.

[00:33:12] But again, this friend, a customer, he came back at me with, why would you do that? That's the dumbest saint. You're so young. You're so stupid. And I was like, wait a minute. What do you mean? You did the saint? I'm agreeing with you. What does age have to do with it? I'm just being an official. Like, I usually don't want children. That's fine. Yeah, that's fine. But then again, it comes back to what comes easy and what's hard. And we show up the only way we know how. Maybe for him, yeah, it was easy for him to accept that's what he wanted in life. And maybe he has some regrets. I don't know. He's not communicating that. Yeah. And that's my thing.

[00:33:40] Because I'm a communicator, look what I do, right? Because I have to communicate things with young children who have to understand it. I try to explain things in a manner that I would hope that it's not overwhelming or scary or anything. Because we have deployments. We have parents getting divorced. Like, everybody. All the time. 56% of all marriages fail. All of a sudden. That's the statistics. Simon, I'm going with me for the weekend. And on one weekend, I'm going with daddy. So those are things I actually do deal with children.

[00:34:08] And sometimes I feel like when I have to explain something that seems like it's easy. Like you said, maybe I've assumed that you should have some coping skills if you're an adult and you have a job and you can do this and you can do that. Which that's probably my fault. Because I've been an adult since I've been eight. You had a growth phase. Now I'm more childlike and playful and funny. And I try to give neutral advice to people because I don't know where you're coming at. I don't know if you've come from an abusive relationship.

[00:34:38] That's why you're in your course. I don't know that you have mommy or daddy issues. And you were a terrible spouse. I don't know that thing. So that's why when we're here, we're like, that's why we have to perspective. I didn't perspective. I didn't know what fawning was. Thank you for sharing that. You're welcome. And now I'm angry, but it's fine. Now I can tell you got very defensive. Yeah. You were like, what the fuck? All right, Kyle. All right, everybody. All right, everybody. We're going to reach out to Kyle for some closing words because we'll be here all damn night. All right, Kyle.

[00:35:09] Something I heard you say, Rachel, you told yourself. No, we're going to keep it on you. I like this. I saw how easy it was for you to go right back to eight-year-old Rachel and acknowledge that she had to grow up fast. Yeah. Eight-year-old Rachel's still in you. She is still there. She's awesome. And it's not going to come easy. It's going to be hard to go inward and talk to eight-year-old Rachel that's still inside you and tell her, hey, what you did was big. What you did was hard. It was not your responsibility.

[00:35:39] But you did it. And you did great. Nah, you were allowed to cry. It's a safe place. Yeah. Just forgive her and say, I'm proud of you. Yeah. You know what I mean? Because no one else is. Nope. No one else is going to do it. Yeah. It's just a part of you. And that's going to be really hard. But eventually, it'll be easy. And when 20 years from now, you'll look back and talk to old Rachel and say, Hey, nice. You know what it's awesome, Kyle? Yeah.

[00:36:08] It is so much Thursday. Huh? It is also easy to throw up on someone. Yeah. All right, everybody. Yeah. That was a deep, deep conversation. Now that we know that David is racist and I'm an ageist. No, he's not right. He likes white boys. He's open-minded. Be nice to each other. Be nice to yourself. Pretty sure you're not listening, but I know you know.

[00:36:34] And remember, whatever you tell yourself, believe, behave, and become. That's something I learned recently. BBB. Bill, Bill, Debo. Not as BBB. In the health office, I don't have coverage because I'm the only nurse in my building. They sent out the nine Bs. So, like, basically, you have to be bleeding from something that we can't control, broken bones, someone else's blood or something on you, laughing, all the things. So, yeah, the Bs are great. And don't be a B, actually. All right.

[00:37:04] Thanks for listening. Love you. Love y'all. Love you. Be safe. Bye.