Kara Lawson, the women's head basketball coach of Duke University, had a motivational speech for her team one summer. She explained to her team that things actually don't get easier, we handle hard better. That resonated with me in my divorce recovery over the years.
I feel things didn't get easier but I was able to handle them better. Experience, perseverance, grit and sheer determination elevated me into becoming a better person in my divorce recovery.
We've all experienced challenging times in our lives - periods of stress, hardship, or adversity that really put us to the test. Maybe it was a difficult class, a demanding job, the loss of a loved one, or just a accumulation of little problems that became overwhelming. Whatever the circumstances, during those rough patches, we often think to ourselves "I just need to get through this, and then things will get easier."
The reality is that while the specific challenges may change, life doesn't actually get easier overall. There will always be new obstacles to face - different kinds of stress, new responsibilities, unexpected curveballs. The mortgage gets paid off but then the kids need braces. You finally land your dream job but then your parents get ill. Challenges keep coming in an endless stream.
Rather than wallowing in the false hope that our problems will disappear, it's better to shift our mindset. Things don't get easier, but we get better at handling them. The challenges keep coming, but we rise to meet them. We develop resilience, wisdom, and strength through perseverance.
With each difficult experience we navigate, we build up a little more confidence that we can get through future challenges too. The first time you lose a loved one, it can feel absolutely crushing and hopeless. But having already lived that pain, the next loss is still devastating but a bit more familiar. You know the anguish will pass.
Struggling to juggle full-time work, parenthood, housework, and your own self-care feels impossibly overwhelming the first time. But after surviving and adapting, you develop systems and learn to set boundaries. The next life transition stretches you but doesn't break you.
The growth and skills you gain from overcoming obstacles apply to all areas of life. Learning to manage intense stress and anxiety in one realm makes you more equipped to handle it in other situations. Building discipline through education or career challenges gives you the grit to pursue any goal. Facing your fears gives you courage
So while we shouldn't just blindly accept struggle, we also shouldn't resist it completely or wish it away. Challenges are inevitable and play a vital role in our development. Each battle arises for a reason and shapes us into more capable, resilient versions of ourselves.
The path isn't to wait for an easier life but to embrace the strength we build from practice. Things don't get easier, but we become warriors through the battles we endure. Our lived experience makes us tougher, wiser, and more able to rise to meet life's constant tests. That's the real ease we seek.